💕 Soul Snacks

4 minute read

Dear Snackers,

As one of the original members of the millennial generation, I am getting slightly older. Age is all relative, I suppose - where some of my contemporaries still have living grandparents, I’m probably too old to even be considered a cougar anymore by a 20-something-year-old. Ouch. Cougar status aside, the reason I mention my age is because I am getting a little fucking sick of being told what to do by the internet. By a certain age, should we not already know what is best for ourselves? I’d like to stop trying so hard.

I’ve been experiencing somewhat of a massive aversion to things I see online promoting self-help, self-betterment and self-improvement…or advice when it comes to parenting, workouts, and diet…or products when it comes to wrinkles, anti-aging supplements and treatments. Where does it end? It’s not that I don’t have things to work on, but is this perpetual inundation of advice not the equivalent of a whisper in our ear telling us we’re not good enough? What if it was fine to regularly feel stressed out in certain phases of life? What if there wasn’t any parenting advice? Does it actually make us better as parents, or does it mostly make us feel more guilt? What if we honored the aging process and put elders on a pedestal rather than trying to erase the years we have lived? Would we stop feeling like we need to keep up with society’s obsession over youthfulness? What if we didn’t need an answer, solution or an evaluation for fucking everything? Will we ever be allowed to feel like we don’t need to change? To just be? Consuming that kind of content, for me, usually makes me focus on my flaws, like I always need to fix something, and while I definitely consider myself a student of life, the content I crave right now is the stuff that truly inspires peace and, especially, a deep sense of gratitude.

Wednesday evening I was in New York City for a concert, and I caught myself walking the way that people walk in New York City. People in New York City do not saunter or mosey down the street and observe the things around them with curiosity or wonder. People in New York City walk like they are Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator, but a lot faster. They do not look rushed or frazzled, but they move with purpose so as not to be mistaken for a loser who has nowhere to be and nothing to do. The classic New York City walk says, “I want people to think I am cooler and busier than they are, so get the fuck out of my way.” There I was, marching along pretending to be on a mission; pretending not to notice every single person I walked past because, even though staring at strangers is one of my favorite things to do, part of the vibe is to not let on that anyone is interesting enough to distract you from the important things you’re on your way to do. I was dressed with makeup on and, dare I admit, feeling myself a little, when I noticed a very small man with forearm crutches, walking towards me. He was not looking sorry for himself, but clearly walking had been a lifelong struggle for this man. I slowed my pace, took a deep breath in acknowledgement of my physical health, and stopped trying to pretend to be in a hurry. I didn’t even want to be hurrying. I love going into the city and checking everything out. I like to peek at what new restaurant may have opened, or to poke my head into a shop. Trying to keep up with a certain image had fully removed me from just being.

I feel gratitude often, if not always, but this singular moment had a salient impact. We don’t need to conform to what we think we should be doing, we just need to be grateful for exactly what we already are doing - in that gratitude we find the true inner peace. In gratitude, we can just be. The next time something pops up in my feed, or someone ignites a stress response within me to be more or do more, I’m going for a fucking walk.

Caitlin

• PLAYLIST: Having attended MIDDLE SCHOOL ORIENTATION last night for my oldest, omfg, I thought I would share one of my all time favorite playlists this week Middle School Angsty