🧈 Soul Snacks

3 min read

Dear Snackers,

I’ve been sleeping like shit this week and I am happy to report that it actually has nothing to do with my kids. I think it actually has to do with the moon….I know that sounds very “woo woo” but I’ve always been effected by the full moon. I was born on the full eclipse of the moon and, from what my mom says, she went into labor and I pretty much jumped out of the womb like, “The moon is out, let’s fucking party." Alas, it tends to have some kind of hold over me to this day. I digress. 

Getting out of bed in the morning with young kids is daunting, but getting out of bed in the morning with young kids after not sleeping straight up sucks (which when you have young kids is OFTEN). The morning hustle in all of its chaotic glory is rough. This morning after getting my kids to school, feeling like I’d just returned home from war, I found myself trying to pinpoint exactly what it is about the mornings I dislike so much. I pretty much do the exact same shit every day, so you’d think I would be kind of conditioned for it by now, yet I continue to feel overwhelmed by it. I get out of bed, I get dressed in some kind of workout friendly attire, make my bed and head down to the kitchen to get it all underway. I put the coffee on, make lunches, and then make breakfast…it all sounds so simple and, yet, it isn’t. Admittedly, I’ve brought some of this pain on myself by giving my kids choices on both lunch and breakfast, pretty much everyday. Could I be a stickler about this and just force them all into the same breakfast and same lunch? I could, but I don’t want to negotiate over bites taken, and I don’t want them to be hungry at school, so I drive myself insane catering to everyone’s preferences. I personally get so much joy out of meal times, and I love creating that feeling for my kids, despite the stress.

There I am at 7:15am making pasta for one kid, a burger for another, chicken nuggets for another, and they all have different snack items they prefer, and then someone comes into the kitchen while I am being a lunch ninja and I stop what I am doing to take breakfast orders and, all of a sudden, I’m busier than a fucking one-armed trombone player. Do want cereal? Do you want toast? Do you want eggs? Do you want sausage? Orange juice or milk? Do you want butter on your toast or peanut butter? Do you want cucumber or carrots with your lunch? Have you packed your snack for your snack today? Finish up, we need to get moving here, guys. Did you brush your teeth, because it doesn’t look like you did. Don’t forget your homework folder is on the table. It’s 25 degrees this morning, where is your hat? Where is your water bottle? Do you have viola today? Take your brother out of that headlock. No, you can not wear your slippers, you have PE today, put your sneakers on. Put your sneakers on. PUT YOUR SNEAKERS ON!!!!

What I realized is that, by 8:00am, I have reached full on decision fatigue. It is not the tasks that are hard, they don’t even take very long, it’s just all the little decisions and twists and turns that put me into a state of tension every single morning, and that is a really hard way to start your days. When my kids finally leave for school, I have made three lunches, four breakfasts, and what feels like and realistically might be, 500 micro decisions. Even when you think you’re in a groove, there is truly no such thing as parenting on auto-pilot. You can and you will be interrupted constantly, and it will make you feel like you’re losing your freaking faculties. The amount of times in a day I get interrupted and try to back to what I was thinking or doing and say, “What the fuck was I just doing again?” is right up there with the number of grams of protein I am apparently supposed to be consuming. 

I have always struggled with this feeling of not having my shit together in the morning, and I have yet to find a way around it. I know there are some changes I could make to streamline things more, but even when I get up earlier or organize a plan the night before, I find that it’s very possible, plausible even, for some shit to hit the fan just when you think you’re ready to leave the house. If you’re feeling like me most mornings, doing so much but still somehow feeling inadequate due to the chaos breaking out around you, I don’t have any tips or hacks for you, I just am here to say that you’re not failing. Sometimes there are no “answers” to our struggles, sometimes you just need to be able to say, “I find this really fucking hard,” and, yet, I still get up and do it everyday. There’s strength in that.

Caitlin

• LISTEN: Enjoy this Mashups and Remixes Dance Bonanza playlist.

• READ: For those of you keeping your weekdays tight and healthy, here are some salads from my girl, Caroline Chambers, that you can make in bulk to last you a few days and still taste fresh. And for something cozy and delicious on these cold ass January nights, her 30 minute chicken parm meatballs.