🥩 Soul Snacks

3 min read

Dear Mom Guilt, why are you such an asshole? You belong in the same category as glitter, and the month of March, who tricks you into thinking it is springtime, only to ruin everything by being mostly cold and rainy…and April, too, for that matter. You’re all slippery bitches.

This past week was a bit of a parenting doozy for me. My daughter came to me with some really heavy thoughts about the way she has been feeling in life lately and, essentially, it crushed me. Immediately I blamed myself. She is the middle child of an older brother with cancer, and who’s baby brother arrived just in time for cancer treatment to finish, and a pandemic to begin. In short, I’ve been a little over inundated as a mom and, even though I truly feel like I never stop giving and doing, the focus on her has probably taken a back seat to that of her brothers due to life circumstances. My daughter is also not the type of kid to fade away into the background – she will absolutely make it known when she needs attention. I’m proud of her ability to self-advocate, and I bet it will serve her well in this world but, deep down, it triggers the hell out of me. I grew up a high-functioning, anxious people-pleasing type. I wanted to keep the peace at all times, and my emotions reflected that, always in control. Seeing her exude so much emotion and fiercely state her needs activates a lot of discomfort for me, and that’s my own problem.

Here’s what I’m coming to accept: I can’t control everything. I can’t control my kid’s emotions and I can’t change what has already happened in our lives. I can learn and improve, but also, behaviors and emotions are not always a reflection of parenting - people are often born who they are. As a mom, I’m aiming for resilience, not perfection. To feel guilty when my kids are having a hard time would be the same as expecting perfection. I need them to know how normal it is to feel bad sometimes, and I need to extend that same grace to myself…fuck the guilt. And fuck glitter, March, and April, too.

— Caitlin

• SHOP: I collaborated with my friend Kate and created a mini jewelry collection. The “YOU” Collection is all about, well, you! Snag a piece for yourself or an important woman in your life.

• THE PLAYLIST: OK, I asked for the songs that are speaking to you and this is the playlist I made from it. Disclaimer, so many of you replied with folky/alt/indie type songs that I stuck to that for the vibe. There were a few pop/hip hop songs that got left out and a couple of people wrote back with Kidz Bop songs that also did not make the cut. Enjoy!

• RECIPE: Grilling season is upon us, and I wanted to share the grilling method I use for pork tenderloin because it is easy and fast and everyone in my family will eat it. I usually make it with a garlic/rosemary rub. The kids love applesauce on the side and then whatever veggies you like. - potatoes and some grilled asparagus is always easy - whatever the fuck blows your hair back. Here is the 7-6-5 grilling method explained.

• READ: Is “Eldest Daughter Syndrome” a real thing? If you’re the eldest girl in your family, or your eldest child is a girl, you’ll find this particularly thought provoking.