🥑 Soul Snacks

5 min read

Dear Snacker,

This year marks my 10th anniversary of being a mom on Mother’s Day. My first Mother’s Day was a little rough to be honest. My husband and I had wildly different visions, and let’s just say I wasn’t feeling the love. If you’ve followed my Instagram for any length of time, you will have noticed how much I adore my husband. He is a genuinely WONDERFUL guy. There was no part of him that was trying to neglect me on Mother’s Day, he was just fully unaware of the standard I’d set in my mind for this day – this day, to me, was to represent a celebration of the hardest, most life-changing six months of my life.

I will never say that I blame myself for not being vocal enough about my expectations leading up to Mother’s Day, and I don’t even blame my husband….I blame society. I’d like to let society and the “Hallmark” industry know that we are all set with the fucking flowers (that we will need to cut and find a vase to hold) and would prefer a meaningful, appropriate acknowledgement for being the absolute fucking warriors we are. Within a year of your first Mother’s Day, at best, you’ve been torn open, either by forces of nature or surgically, then required to care for the most precious and vulnerable thing on earth while in immense pain, fully sleep-deprived, learning multiple new skills including, but not limited to, breastfeeding (why do we not talk about how fucking hard this can be), bottle feeding, diaper changing, swaddling, bathing, check-ups, keeping inventory on all things baby, the list goes on…and we haven’t even scratched the surface…how about the crushing pressure from the outside world to get back to work, back in shape, back in the bedroom all while pretending like nothing happened, because, obviously, if you’re not able to do all of this, then you’re having a hard time…and that’s not normal…because good mothers find motherhood easy, right? Oh, and don’t forget to also play it cool while on a hormonal roller coaster ride, trying to remain relevant in a world full of people who, unless they are already a mom, have no idea and give no fucks about any of this.

Where the Richter scale measuring how much a father’s world is shaken up after having a baby is a rumble, for me, a first time mom, it was ROCKED. I was surprised he didn’t anticipate how important it would be for me to feel doted upon and to have expected something sentimental/meaningful out of him, but he had no idea. Obviously, after the fact, I let him know. Since then, he has gone above and beyond trying to make sure I feel that love and appreciation, just as I hope he does on Father’s Day, but the truth is, I wasn’t open about my expectations because I didn’t want to admit how rocked I was by motherhood. I’m so much more confident now. I know my worth as a mom, and I make damn sure to highlight how treacherous motherhood can be so we get the admiration and respect we deserve….not just one day a year, but every day. I hope this helps a brand new mom realize her value sooner.

— Caitlin

• READ: A cute and sarcastic list of "tips" for new moms.

• LISTEN: OK, so this playlist has a lot of overlap with the "Waterworks" playlist of songs that will make you cry from a few weeks back....the good news is, most of us felt pretty sentimental about our moms. Enjoy!

• BUY?!?! Wirecutter’s 41 Best GIfts for Mom made me laugh.