🍬 Soul Snacks

1.5 min read

Dear Snackers,

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, but I believe the secret to ditching guilt is wholly leaning into saying, “fuck that shit,” to the things that don’t work for you. My intention is not to judge those who opt into being a little “extra”, but rather to remind others that it is more than OK to opt out of the stuff that does not serve you. Often times in my role as a mom, when there is something I don’t want to do but feel I should, I ask myself “why”. The “why” is important.

Allow me to elaborate: when opportunities arise for me to volunteer in my kids’ classrooms, for instance, I try to take them. Even though volunteering is laden with awkward interactions, polite conversations, being forced to pretend I am a mainstream human, and stifling inappropriate jokes that will inevitably come to mind, which is absolutely fucking excruciating for me, my kids love it when I show up and volunteering, at its core, is magnanimous. The good in volunteering outweighs any excuse for me not to do it – even the pain of foregoing a good joke. Elf on the Shelf, on the other hand, (I’m not even going to address my “why” on Boo Baskets because that is such a hard fucking pass, but a similar category) is something I do not do, despite some pressure from my kids. My kids know about Elf on the Shelf and have asked me why we do not have one and my answer is simply, “Elf on the Shelf is not part of our family tradition.” I am not trying to die on the PTA cross, I don’t even volunteer all that much, but the odds of me ever feeling resentful for having volunteered at my kids’ school are pretty much zero, whereas potentially having to get out of bed at night because I forgot to move a fucking Elf would absolutely make me want to burn the Elf at the stake for inconveniencing me. Simply put, it’s not worth it. The same goes for screen time – sometimes letting my kids watch TV is a massive help to me when I need, or just want, to minimize interruptions or distractions, so I use it. I don’t care if you’re a stay at home mom who is constantly attached at the hip to your kids or if you’re a career baddie who is gone all week and just needs a fucking minute to breathe on a Saturday morning, you’re allowed to do what works for you, guilt free. 

I’m not telling you not to do Elf on the Shelf or Boo Baskets or anything else - if you love it and the joy it brings your kids makes it worthwhile for you, that is amazing, I love that for you, but God help me if I am going to sacrifice my mental health to adhere to external pressures. I don’t feel insecure about admitting some stuff is too much for me. I know that there are certain things I do uniquely well for my kids, and I don’t have to do it all – it is OK to say no, or yes, depending on the circumstances. 

I am constantly reminding myself that guilt often correlates to martyrdom, and martyrs are annoying…we all know a few. And maybe connecting martyrdom to Boo Baskets or even Elf on the Shelf sounds like a stretch, but unless we call out the ridiculous pressure on parents, and especially moms, to keep up with the ever-expanding “norms”, we lose sight of the things that make us special – you are more than a fucking Boo Basket and your kids brains are shaped by more than just an extra episode of Paw Patrol. Letting myself become distracted by things that aren’t important to me detracts from my ability to focus on what my kids truly need from me – an abundance of love, boundaries and my mental health – if I have to skip something in order to maintain those three things, I’m good with that. 

Caitlin 

• LISTEN: This week’s playlist - enjoy!