Soul Snacks 😲

3 minute read

Dear Snackers,

I have a nine-year-old daughter who, seemingly, cannot wait to be a woman. Little does she know what a shit show it is to be an actual woman, and not just a little girl pretending to be a woman. When she asks to wear crop tops, or short shorts, or buy skin care, or (gasping for fucking air) asks me if she can get knee-high boots, I have to talk to her about the ways in which women’s bodies are objectified, and I hate that it’s already a conversation. There are certain realities that we cannot ignore in life: for example, the sky is blue, bears shit in the woods, and heterosexual men want to have sex with women…and further to that, the more of a woman’s body that can be seen, whether it be figure-hugging clothing or skin exposure, the more heterosexual men are going to think about your body as an object. I do not think men are pigs, nor that they should be lambasted for natural thoughts—I also think about sex more if I see a hot guy (such as my husband, ahem) in a bathing suit. Although his Irish skin never gets much of a tan, he’s quite hunky…anyway the point is, it’s biological for us all, but women are indisputably more sexualized than men in society…and it starts early. Why the fuck are they making bikinis for little girls? Are we not as concerned about their sun exposure as our boys, who are wearing rash guards and swim trunks? When my daughter asks me what is the big deal is about her wearing a crop top since everyone has a belly button, I ask her if she has ever seen a boy wear a crop top. “No, mom, I haven’t.” 

Do I think that grown women should be able to wear whatever they want? Hell yes, I do, because they are old enough to understand what it means to them. It should also be noted that, according to AI, “studies have found no relationship between a woman’s use of “sexy dress” and actual experiences of violence,” which means stop blaming women for sexual violence—you can dress like a hoochie if you want to, and it does not mean that you’re “asking for it”. God knows it’s nice to get a little attention every now and again for putting your ta-ta’s on parade on a night out. Still, that doesn’t mean that the bodily objectification of little girls is not incredibly problematic. There is no shame in a grown woman dressing sexy because it makes her feel her best or, perhaps, just because she enjoys the attention—that’s a grown woman’s informed choice, and there is power in that, and when my daughter is old enough to understand these nuances in their totality, then I will accept whatever clothing choices she would like to make, but until then, overly “grown up” clothing is a no.  My daughter, for example, looks old for her age, and if I think ahead to when she is 12 or 13, I don’t want her to be viewed as an object of desire by older boys, when she could not possibly be equipped for the potential attention she might receive. If I start letting her wear “grown up” clothing now, there is no turning back. When she is mature enough to handle sexual attention, then there is room for the conversation around grown up clothing. I guess?

This past week a well-known public figure (and mother to young girls) launched a children’s skincare product called Rini, promoting it to her 35 million followers. Is the product safe for children’s skin? Probably. Do I think it is psychotic to promote skincare to children, specifically little girls? One hundred percent. First of all, I can’t help but point out that the skin of a toddler is already as soft as this woman’s skull. If you have on, or have had on, a diaper in the last decade, you don’t need fucking skin care because your skin is brand new. The product is clearly entirely unnecessary, and I am not one to criticize other women, but I cannot help noting what feels like both a lack of taste and social responsibility embedded in this company. Maybe I am taking this too seriously, maybe this is all in good fun and I should just relax, but I am having a visceral reaction to the constant push of adult items, whether it be clothing or beauty, to little girls. It is the relentless objectification of our skin and our bodies that paint the narrative that it is a girl’s outward appearance that matters most in this world, and holy shit, we start in on them at a young age. To capitalize on the future insecurities of our daughters under the guise of “self-care” or “body positivity” is, in my opinion, bullshit. My wish is that we, as a society, could be more focused on who women are on the inside and what is actually best for us, rather than sending subliminal messages from the time our girls are still in diapers that our worth is attached to glowing skin and sexy bodies. Fuck that, and also, of course, fuck the Elf on the Shelf (it’s that time of year again).  

As always, I’d love to hear people’s opinions on this topic—if you’re inclined, drop me a comment. 

-Caitlin