🍜 Soul Snacks

2 min read

Dear Snackers,

I have had a kid home sick for five out of the last ten school days. As a parent, unless you have an in-home caregiver like an au pair or nanny, this might create some dumpster fire level scheduling shit for you. Even when you do have extra helping hands, it is still probably going to require adjustments. Throwing off your routine, in addition to being worried about illness, can do a number on anxiety. 

As a person who suffers from health anxiety, when it comes to my kids staying home from school, it might surprise you to hear that the illness itself is not what stresses me out. My health anxiety is typically reserved for worst case scenario stuff. I’m concerned over common illnesses to the extent that they could turn into something dangerous, like when you hear about a child dying from a cold or flu, but everyday sicknesses, I accept as a normal part of life. My worries are anchored in things that are unlikely and devastating. I have, at times in my life, been paralyzed by these types of fears. I have gotten much better about it, but I tend to do a lot of catastrophizing. When I catch myself slipping into such a state, I say out loud, “Caitlin, you have health anxiety. This is not something you need to worry about right now. This is just your anxiety.” Somehow by acknowledging my “habit” it allows me to take a step back, remember all the times I was wrong about my worries, and let go of it. 

When my oldest was truly sick with Leukemia, and home every day for the better part of two years with me, that was hard. I had a one year old at the time, too, so being stuck home with two toddlers day after day, for someone like me, was a nightmare. During that phase of life I did worry a lot about common illnesses because of my son’s compromised immune system, but my anxiety was usually rooted in a feeling of being trapped. If you are reading this as a mother of babies and toddlers, I want you to feel seen in knowing that having sick kids at that age is relentless. Even when it is temporary, the thought of being so constantly needed gives me angst. Today for example, Lukey is home sick but, as a five year old, he is able to relax and watch movies pretty much the entire day. If he had the pukes, he could even make it to the toilet. As I sit in the adjacent room and type this, we are both happy as clams doing our own thing. Even though I am “stuck”, I will mostly go about my day in an autonomous fashion. I’ll be honest, now that I have reached this phase of life, I almost enjoy these days. I tend to work on a house project I’ve been neglecting, or will give myself a break when it comes to exercise and meals – I do whatever is easiest and lean into the opportunity to just be home, and thankfully for the endless delivery service options these days, we can get anything we need (for a small fortune) with the click of a button. There are some hassles, of course, but it’s all so much easier now.  

The health of my family is the number one most important thing to me in life. Every day that I am on this earth and no one in my family is facing a life-threatening condition, is my ultimate gift. If you’re in a season of life where having sick kids truly does ruin the day, I feel for you, but know that you will get through it eventually. If you are in a situation where you have a seriously or chronically ill child, my heart is with you – cry and dance often. And if you’re in a place where you’re just fucking over having your kids be sick right now, yep, it can royally screw you over sometimes. Get yourself a snack?

Caitlin 

• READ: Perimenopause much? Me too. When it comes to health anxiety, some of the symptoms I've experienced have had me doing a bit of catastrophizing...Here’s an article I found that provided me a little relief in knowing they're probably perimenopause, as well as some great tips for managing symptoms

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