Soul Snacks

Dear Snackers,

We took our kids to Florida this week for Spring break. Though it is exhausting traveling with kids, it is never lost on me what a treat it is to take them somewhere - particularly if that somewhere is not 39 degrees and raining, as it was when we left home. For over three years of cancer treatment, running full speed into a global pandemic, it felt like a really long time before we were able to take our kids anywhere, so to be able to do it now still feels so special. In a lot of senses, however, not being able to travel with our littles for so long was a blessing in disguise - even going to a restaurant with three young kids is a pretty giant pain in the ass. In theory, the idea of not cooking or messing up the kitchen seems like a treat, but in practice, somewhere between the first spilled drink and the second trip to the bathroom, it starts to feel like a lot more of a chore than if you just stayed home. I shit you not, Lukey has pooped at least one time in every, single restaurant we visited this week. There is a unique type of pain, known only to parents, when the moment your food arrives at the table, you are simultaneously met with an announcement from your five year old that they have an urgent, impending bowel movement. It’s like they plan it. Aside from Lukey, however, at some point in the very recent past, so many of the hassles that go along with taking your children to new places have started to feel very worth it.

My husband fainted the first morning we woke up in Florida. He operates on fairly minimal sleep to begin with, and we were up at 2:45am the morning before to head to the airport, so he was sort of next-level exhausted. Why we decided to take a 6am flight out of an airport an hour away is a conversation for another time, but nevertheless, no one had gotten much sleep. We only had two drinks our first day of vacation, but on top of no sleep, a lot of stress at work, and probably some dehydration, when he stood up to stretch, he went down. He actually cracked his head right on the corner of a doorway and ended up with a black eye and, even though it could have been way worse, it was pretty fucking scary hearing the weight of him hit the wall, then the floor. All three kids were in our room when it happened, and while Lukey appeared to be momentarily concerned, he used the opportunity to quietly exit the room in the midst of the commotion to take control over the TV remote. Calum and Faye, on the other hand, were incredibly shaken, staying by Mike’s side to make sure he was OK. Even though Mike immediately “came to” and made a fast recovery, an accident involving the health and safety of their dad was a truly frightening event. I wish it hadn’t happened, but something about seeing their genuine concern, heartened me. I could see in their faces that their concern was about something deeper than the fall itself. Their concern was about seeing the permeability, or even the potential mortality, if you will, of a parent. Until kids hit a certain age, the fear of something bad happening to their parent doesn’t cross their mind, but once it does, it sort of marks the start of a whole new phase in their development. They are aware, they are getting “it”, and they are starting to appreciate the important things in life in a whole new way, and I love that.

If I have not made it abundantly clear, I was not a particular fan of the baby or toddler years. One day I will miss the feeling, momentarily, of holding one of my precious small children, but everyday since becoming a mom, I have fallen more in love with my experience - it just keeps getting better. There are a lot of moms who had a tough time in the teenage years, and they love to remind me of how much harder life is about to get, but for each one of those comments I receive, I get an equal amount of comments from parents who are loving the teen years, and for now, I am choosing to lean into that positive outlook on what is ahead. Should my opinions on parenting older kids change, I will be certain to let the internet know.

We do things with our kids, even though it is hard and tiring, because we long to enjoy the magic of a shared experience of the fun things in life. We inflict the self-induced torture of taking children on vacation or dining out because we hope that, one day, they will appreciate our effort, sacrifices, and commitment to the importance of family experiences and, when the day comes that you get to see your kid’s deep, meaningful appreciation for the greater meaning behind it all, it’s so fucking worth it.

Caitlin

• DRINK: Electrolytes were our lifeline in Florida this week. Below is the link to my favorite electrolytes, which I consume almost daily. Code BTA20 for discount. curehydration.pxf.io/5g3XZL