🍟 Soul Snacks

5 min read

Dear Snacker,

I spent a night with my best friends from high school last week and, after a couple rounds of cocktails, we decided to play a super uplifting game where we went in a circle and shared something from our past that has haunted us over the years. Everyone let out some shit that we avoided talking about in the past because, for the most part, we were too hurt or insecure to talk about it at the time. Being with high school friends always manages to drum up some pain points…not in a bad way…just because the past, in general, can be painful.

We went to a boarding school, where everyone came from different places - there was no history between you and your incoming classmates. No one knew anyone else’s family, or how they grew up. Back then, I dreaded having to tell people that my parents had recently separated. Their separation was very hard on me, and I felt damaged. My insecurities convinced me that everyone at boarding school came from big homes with big cars in the driveway and big dogs and two loving parents under one big roof. Honestly, I assumed those people were “better” than me. I didn’t want my friends to visit me where I lived. When my parents lived under the same roof, they had done such a beautiful job of maintaining our home – it was a modest, but incredibly charming cape style house with a literal white picket fence surrounded by flowers. It always looked beautiful. My parents took such pride in it, and it showed, but after my dad moved out, that level of upkeep was too much for my mom on her own, and the house never felt the same. Eventually the house was sold and my parents both moved into even more modest spaces. In retrospect, it wasn’t about the house, it was about the loss of what once was. (I also wished I had bigger boobs and a six pack, too, FYI. By my senior year I ended up with huge boobs, but have never had, and never will have, a six pack. Can’t win ‘em all.)

Upon reflection, here are my takeaways my conversation with my friends:

1. EVERYONE has insecurities.

2. The negative things we assume about others stem from our own insecurities and, most of the time, there is very little truth to our assumptions. Give people a chance.

3. Being open about things that have hurt you, or made you feel damaged, or that you’ve regretted, almost always knocks down a wall you put up around yourself that has only been keeping out love and understanding from the people who truly have your back. If they don’t like what they see when the wall comes down, you don’t need them.

Vulnerability is the great equalizer.

— Caitlin

• READ: Speaking of insecurities, many of us still feel it...a lot...what with social media and everything in our faces these days, it's hard not to....check out this article which outlines the three main causes of insecurity and how to overcome it.

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